Relationship Matters

Dealing with Guilt (Episode 30)

Today's interview features Alison Jesson, a British psychotherapist. Alison discusses the issue of guilt and offers some insight as to why people might experience the feeling of guilt in their relationships and how to address it.

Today's Key Points:

• Guilt is a common feeling and may be masking a different feeling, such as anger. It may, therefore, be necessary to acknowledge what the underlying feeling actually is.
• If you always put another person's needs in front of your own, you may well end up resenting that person. Remember Alison's analogy of the oxygen mask in a plane.
• If you are feeling guilty about your behaviour, ask yourself what is the unwritten rule that you have broken? Is this a rule that you learnt in childhood? Is it relevant today? Do you want to re-write the rules?
• Having identified the unwritten rule that you've broken, ask yourself how serious is this alleged "crime"? How serious will it seem in the future? Also were there any mitigating circumstances - were you totally responsible for the "crime"?
• Make reparation, if you think it is necessary.  For examples: offer an apology if it seems appropriate; pay a penalty - give a donation to charity; pay a penance - clear some litter from the street.
• Learn from the experience and forgive yourself. We all make mistakes - keep things in perspective.

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Fostering Relationships (Episode 29)

Today's guest is Chris Cardell, an internationally respected marketing expert. He is particularly interested in communication and how we think. Whilst the focus of Chris' interview was communicating for business, the key points that come from his insights are relevant to all inter-personal relationship building.

Today's Key Points:

• Be willing to take the first step. It can be scary to start up a conversation with a stranger or with someone that you don't know very well. So, prepare yourself, take the plunge and give people an experience of you.
• Give freely of yourself in a relationship and don't expect something in return. If you receive something, treat it as a bonus and not an automatic "right" or quid pro quo.
• Relationships need courting. You need to keep working on them, so keep developing your relationships.
• Keep in regular contact; look after your friendships. As we get busier lives and take on more commitments it is all too easy to lose touch with our friends and relatives. Keeping the relationship alive by periodically making the effort - a quick email will suffice - helps the re-connection when time allows.
• Aim to make a positive difference in the lives of the people with whom you interact. Make it your purpose to add value to their life.

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Honest Conversations (Episode 28)

Today's interview is with Judith Morgan, Business Coach and entrepreneur. Amongst her many business ventures, The Cleaning Biz offers people an opportunity to run a turnkey business following a successful blueprint formulated by Judith and her business partner.

The success of this operation, in part, comes down to the business owner brokering the relationship between the household employer and the cleaner. At the heart of this arrangement is managing communication - something relevant to everyone, whether in business or in our social lives.

Today's Key Points:

• Say what you mean and be clear about your needs. Never assume that another person will know what you want or understand your individual requirements - be explicit.
• Don't have unrealistic expectations of the other person and don't be too demanding. Their circumstances may be quite different to yours so do be aware of this.
• Don't pretend, and don't "put up" with things. You cannot fix things unless they are out in the open. So, be honest in your communications and sort things out if they need sorting.
• Conversations can be difficult for all sorts of reasons. What may be easy for you to say might be difficult for someone else, and vice-versa. If you are in a situation and need to have a difficult conversation with someone, it may be that someone else could help you manage the conversation. Don't be worried about asking for help.
• It's OK not to get on with someone. Maybe the chemistry isn't right. It may be something that you can't put your finger on and that's OK, too. You're not expected to like everyone in this world. And, being honest, some people are just not nice.

               If you are about to go on holiday, I do hope that you have a great time.

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The Magic of Laughter (Episode 27)

Today's interview is with two septogenarians whose friendship has spanned more than sixty years. Gladys Pottle is from England and Annie Albrektsen is Danish. They began corresponding in 1945, whilst 15 year old schoolgirls, and the depth of their relationship is evident. They were interviewed in Denmark whilst Gladys was visiting Annie. She had learnt that Annie had suffered recent ill-health and the concern that she felt for her friend compelled her to make a brief visit.

Maintaining strong relationships over time takes effort. Below are some pointers if you are wishing to maintain or strengthen a connection with someone in your life.

Today's Key Points:

• Show that you care. Actions speak louder than words - so do something thoughtful and don't take the other person for granted.
• Be available when the other person needs you. It doesn't have to be in person - a listening ear is extremely valuable.
• Keep in regular contact and watch out for each other. Trust your instinct and take action on it.
• Laugh together - often!  Laughter is extremely therapeutic, by the way.
• Put yourself out for the other person, if necessary.

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Communicating through Multi Media (Episode 26)

Kylie Johnson is the multi media liaison officer for the Commonwealth Scientific Industrial Research Organisation in Canberra, Australia. (CSIRO for short!)  Among other things, Kylie talks about how companies can raise their profile and enhance their reputation by using multi media. You don't have to be a large corporate organisation to benefit from blogging and podcasting.

Today's Key Points:

• Ensure that when you are communicating, your stories are legitimate. Authenticity is crucial to your reputation. This is equally important in our social and business communications.
• By using multi media you can be in control of what gets published. You are not dependent on traditional media routes to get your message out to an audience.
• By reaching out to more people, you increase your chances of engaging with more people. If you are in business this can translate into new customers. Socially it may mean new friends.
• Just do it!  Communicate.  If you are thinking of podcasting, get on with it - get started.

Remember, if you are being taken outside your comfort zone, you are in a growth zone. So, think positively and get communicating.

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Building Loyalty and Trust (Episode 25)

Podcasting consultant and author, Jason Van Orden, talks about how podcasting has helped him to become a recognised podcasting expert. By providing regular relevant, practical information to his target audiences he has built a successful business. His enthusiasm and professionalism are apparent and his message an inspiration to anyone wanting to succeed in building loyal and trustworthy relationships.

Today's Key Points:

• Relationships are built on trust and loyalty. It is essential to develop that trust if you are going to have a meaningful, lifelong relationship with someone.
• You can build trust and loyalty by demonstrating that you can give, and are committed to giving, what the other person is looking for. This applies in both business and social settings.
• Give freely of yourself in a way that is relevant and valuable. Whether this is information that you provide, or giving your time and a listening ear, be sure that it is specific to the people with whom you are connecting.
• Be clear about who you want to connect with, and reach out to them.
• When you are communicating with someone, be specific about the purpose of your communication. Avoid those "crossed wires"!

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Communicating under Pressure (Episode 24)

Communications consultant Jonathan Pope, from The Kingstree Group,gives some valuable tips on how to get your message across effectively when in a stressful situation.

Today's Key Points:

• When under pressure our perception of time changes. So, be aware that you may need to slow down your speech - don't gabble or rush your words.
• Adopt a relaxed, conversational style. This is particularly relevant if you are giving a presentation. N.B. Don't start with "........ and without further ado!"
• Think about your communication from a listener's point of view. What is easy to follow, and what isn't? If you start to lose people's attention, it may be difficult to get it back.
• Make your point and then back it up. This way you can grab attention early and people will stay with you as you develop your theme.
• Build a relationship with your listeners, as early as possible. Show interest in them; build rapport; find out what is important to them.
• Have self-awareness. Know how you usually come across and how you change under pressure. Take steps to resume a relaxed delivery in stressful situations.

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Relationship Management (Episode 23)

Today's podcast guest is Jason Alba of Jibber Jobber fame. Jason has developed a brilliant network relationship management tool, initially created to support people during a job search campaign. Its application far extends beyond the organisation of career contacts, as you can hear. It's well worth visiting Jason's site to check out Jibber Jobber.

Today's Key Points:

• Networking is an extremley important part of a job search. Some say that as many as 60% of jobs are found through personal contacts.
• Another factor in managing your relationships is to know the strength of your relationship with another. So, make it your business to know and monitor the strength of the relationships within your own network.
• Relationships need working at. Tend to them, consistently.
• Give time for your relationships to develop. They don't grow overnight -  so, be patient whilst you are working on them.
• The strength of a relationship is a personal thing. Consequently, they may strengthen at different rates between two people. If you're ahead, nurture the other person along in the relationship, and don't be pushy.
• Have a relationship GOAL. This will ensure that you are always working on your relationships and striving to move them forward.

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Fast-Track Relationship Building

I spent two days this week at the inaugural European Corporate Podcasting Summit in London, where I was co-presenting a paper on the second day with Blog Angel Claire Raikes. The event was very well attended, informative and extremely interesting. Furthermore, I met in person three people that I have got to know via the Social Media. Now, this is the fascinating thing..............

Honesty's the Best Policy (Episode 22)

Sally Mears concludes her account of the Clipper Adventure. Undertaking such an adventurous yachting race is clearly not for the faint hearted!  Hear about some of the conditions that she and her fellow team mates endured whilst aboard "Singapore" as she relates what it is like to be one of 16 people confined to a spartan 68' racing yacht. This interesting story is underpinned by some useful insights into getting along with your fellow man.

Today's Key Points:

• Deal with issues as they arise, by engaging in respectful, direct, open and honest talking. 
• Think about how your behaviour impacts on others. If necessary, alter your behaviour. Acting without thinking may lead to misunderstandings which can be avoided by forethought.
• Focus on common ground to strengthen your relationships, by working together towards the same end.
• Tell someone if they have upset you and let them know what you would like them to do differently another time. People have to be aware of what they have done and how it has affected you before they can change their behaviour.
• Nip things in the bud. Harbouring grudges is harmful to your health and your relationships!
• Don't let personal issues get in the way.

In summary, be honest and open in your communication with the people in your life.

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