Today's interview features Alison Jesson, a British psychotherapist. Alison discusses the issue of guilt and offers some insight as to why people might experience the feeling of guilt in their relationships and how to address it.
Today's Key Points:
- Guilt is a common feeling and may be masking a different feeling, such as anger. It may, therefore, be necessary to acknowledge what the underlying feeling actually is.
- If you always put another person's needs in front of your own, you may well end up resenting that person. Remember Alison's analogy of the oxygen mask in a plane.
- If you are feeling guilty about your behaviour, ask yourself what is the unwritten rule that you have broken? Is this a rule that you learnt in childhood? Is it relevant today? Do you want to re-write the rules?
- Having identified the unwritten rule that you've broken, ask yourself how serious is this alleged "crime"? How serious will it seem in the future? Also were there any mitigating circumstances - were you totally responsible for the "crime"?
- Make reparation, if you think it is necessary. For examples: offer an apology if it seems appropriate; pay a penalty - give a donation to charity; pay a penance - clear some litter from the street.
- Learn from the experience and forgive yourself. We all make mistakes - keep things in perspective.
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